Taking Stress out of Stressful Conversations

What: This chapter from HBR:10 Must-Reads on Communication discusses how we can work on making a stressful conversation easier to have. These conversations range “from firing a subordinate to, … receiving praise.” (HBR, 165) This chapter discusses how one can prepare for stressful conversations. The techniques given are identify, know how to react, and rehearse.  

Who: The people involved in these conversations are often people of higher positions in a company or organization that must have a hard or stressful conversation with one or more of their employees. People, however, don’t necessarily need to be in power to have these conversations. It can occur between two employees where one of them either isn’t doing something properly or if they conflict with each other and do not want to bring it to their supervisor or manager yet, as they may want to try to resolve the issues themselves. These techniques are meant for those who are giving stressful conversation rather than the person they are having a conversation with.  

When: This occurs every day. As said earlier, HBR says that these conversations occur when a business needs to let an employee go, or when it is time to praise an employee or unexpectedly. It can happen at any moment and is usually unexpected by at least one side of the conversation. 

Where: These conversations happen in businesses and schools everywhere in the world. In a work or school setting, it is usually done behind closed doors to save face of everyone involved and to provide privacy for those involved.  

How: The textbook offers three ways to prepare for a stressful conversation. These are: (1) “Identify your weakness to particular people and situations.” (2) “Know how you react to feeling vulnerable.” And (3) “With an honest, nonjudgmental friend, rehearse clear, neutral and temperate responses.” (HBR, 168) These are good to know as both the person giving the conversation and the person/people on the other side of the conversation, because it can help figure out what you need to do or what needs to change.  

Why: Knowing these techniques helps us understand how to handle a stressful conversation. It also makes us self-aware of what we are doing when we are doing it. 

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